"The only time some fellows are ever seen with their wives is after they've been indicted."

"The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them."

"Don't knock the weather. If it didn't change once in a while, nine out of ten people couldn't start a conversation."

"Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature."

"No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish."

"Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men."

"Change should be a friend. It should happen by plan, not by accident."

"The great nations have always acted like gangsters, and the small nations like prostitutes."

"Over in Hollywood they almost made a great picture, but they caught it in time."

"When I get smitten, I stay smut."

"MANICHEISM, n. The ancient Persian doctrine of an incessant warfare between Good and Evil. When Good gave up the fight the Persians joined the victorious Opposition."

"If your head is wax, don't walk in the sun."